Some People Will Try to Help You and They Will be Bad at it and That’s Okay

I am a melodramatic person (mostly unintentional) and I have had a variety of explosive episodes in a variety of embarrassing situations. I’ve stormed out of class, sobbed in class, and related my suicide story to a very confused acting class while hyperventilating and sobbing (I’m super glamorous), so a fair amount of people were familiar with my situation before I was 100% open about it. Most people didn’t say anything and some people shared their stories with me – and everything in between! The latter usually went like this, I totally understand what you’re going through – I have depression too and it gets better. Come talk to me if you need anything” the gesture itself is incredibly sweet but sometimes it sounds to me like, “I have depression! But I’m way better at it than you! I don’t break down crying in class all the time like you do! I’m like the BEST at depression and you basically suck for not being as good at it as me!” And yes, the logical part of my brain understands that the act is one of support and caring but it makes me feel like such a failure. Or it makes me feel like I’m not alone and I’ll find a way through it. But! My point is this, people won’t get what works for you and what makes you feel better if you don’t tell them. Those girls that reached out to me when I mentioned I was struggling with mental illness were probably giving me what they wanted at the time. They didn’t know it made me feel like a failure – they were just trying to help. I have responded to some of those girls that that kind of support makes me feel crappy about myself and I got back the loveliest notes about them understanding the pain of the battle and acknowledging that we go through it in our own way. They said, I don’t understand what you are going through right now but I have been through something similar and I’m sorry. That’s what I needed from them. Weirdly, other people with depression/anxiety/mental illness are really, really supportive of whatever you need to cope if you just tell them. No one can read minds, friends. If you’re not strong enough to respond or even read/hear the wishes of wellness, I’m 98% sure whoever is giving these wishes will understand. Come back later if you can because no one means to misunderstand what you need.