Honesty

My mom looked at me and said, “that [unimportant detail] was like seeing the old Morgan back again.” And that sucks because it makes you realize that where you are isn’t as good as where you used to be but you can’t run from that. It’s the truth – mental health wise, I was better than I am now.

I haven’t been able to write much of late because I haven’t been taking glorious steps forward and I can’t seem to get out of the set back I’m living in. Sometimes I feel crazy and when I feel good I don’t feel Great. I wanted to get off meds in the next year but I haven’t felt right in months so the step forward I was looking at isn’t something I’m going to be able to do.

I’m on academic probation at my new university and I’d only ever gotten below a B in math.

I’m a registered student with a disability and I used to pride myself on my independence.

I’m not sleeping enough, eating anything with a semblance of nutrition, and my body is  much closer to couch potato than fitness queen.

It sucks. I’m trying to get better and it still sucks. I have some hope and some faith and I know I’m not doing this alone even though sometimes it feels like I am.

I’m trying to be honest with myself about myself and accepting the consequences as they come.

I hope I’ll be able to write again soon – it helps when I can.