Talk to Your Kids

Looking back at my life, I know that I was an incredibly anxious child and that maybe that anxiety contributed to my mental illnesses as an adult.

A little disclaimer: I do not blame my parents. My psychologist doesn’t blame my parents – there is no blame being given to my parents here. They gave me a home full of love and support and I couldn’t have asked for more – they did the best they could (and then some!).

I had an obsession with perfection even when I was pretty little. My mom would do my hair for me and if I noticed a little imperfection, I either tore out my hair in a fit of anxiety or made the little imperfection huge so she’d notice and redo it. All of a sudden, I’d be full of something that had no way out. I’d tense my whole body and hope that whatever it was would go – I couldn’t speak, could hardly breathe and would just sob.  My sister didn’t have that problem – if she didn’t like her hair she’d tell my mom and my mom would roll her eyes good-naturedly and say, ‘Erin will do exactly what she wants’ and we’d laugh.

Erin was able to tell my mom what she wanted. I was never able to that – it took years before I was able to openly say what I wanted without that overwhelming anxiety. That need for perfection and that anxiety snowballed into an eating disorder and depression.

Talk to your kids now. Tell them perfect isn’t real and that anxiety is a feeling that sucks but can be controlled. Encourage them to talk about their feelings even if they don’t understand them – help them understand. Giving something a name makes it much more manageable.

The world we live in needs a lot more love and understanding – give it to yourselves, your kids, and everybody you know. We’re in this together.