Let it Go

I didn’t understand just how much ‘Let it Go’ from Frozen meant to me until quite recently.

I currently work at a childrens museum that plays Disney music regularly – so I hear ‘Let it Go’ something like eight times a day. Maddening, right?

Well, I get a little twinge of something every time without fail.

I remember listening to that song in my ancient Volvo on the way home from rehearsal or school or work or whatever in the dark and just blasting it. I would scream-sing along, sometimes crying sometimes not, in some kind of catharsis. I had always identified with Elsa, the older sister, not as friendly as the younger sister, never really had friends etc. but I didn’t understand why that song hit me the way it did. Until just a couple days ago.

I felt like Elsa in so many more ways than I thought. I felt trapped in the idea of who I was supposed to be, so afraid to disappoint the world around me that I created this false version of myself. I pretended to be perfect. I spent so much of high school being just exhausted (the eating disorder probably didn’t help) and so goddamned high strung.

Elsa letting her ice powers out was a dream of mine – maybe I could be myself one day. Maybe I wouldn’t have to try so hard to be liked, try so hard to beautiful, funny, demure etc. etc. etc.

I’m letting go more now. I feel like my own person now – a person that’s not my idea of what the perfect person is like. But she’s real and that’s pretty cool.

It’s funny how much I learned about myself watching that movie and I doubt the writers intended Elsa to be a metaphor for mental illness, but I’m grateful either way.

Do you feel like a Disney princess? Which one? Do you think that says much about you? Honestly guys, I’m curious.